Character Bios


C.L. Burton, the world's only living heart donor. The business pursestrings behind Burton/Price Films, CL is in his own words, "not just a tin god, but a 24-carat gold god, and worth every ounce of my rampant egotism!"

Yeah, that pretty much says it all. I'm sure he'll bill us.



Jackie Price is the artistic partner of Burton/Price Films, a small film company in Red Hill, Texas. Price marches to the beat of his own drummer, knows how to handle Burton and has an eye for the ladies, particularly his new secretary. Price also has an eye for Slow Death Tequila and Old Overcoat whiskey.



Natalie McBride is the new secretary at Burton/Price Films, so she's still learning the ropes. Smart, savvy and shapely, Natalie is an old-fashioned girl who is good at what she does and can stand toe to toe with Price and not bat an eye.



Ginger Sherman Burton a.k.a. Mrs. C.L. Burton, was voted Most Likely To three years in a row at Sheldon College. Voted Miss I Phelta Thi, Miss Sheldon College, Miss Texas and Miss February, Ginny is also the pitcher of the company softball team. If anyone knows how to control her curves, it's Ginny.



Curtis Garrison is "the crazy one with the vacant eyes" for a good reason. The man is a full bubble off plumb; he's not the brightest crayon in the box; not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Or maybe he IS, and is smart enough not to tip his hand. Your call.



Johnny Scott is a rock and roll legend who returned to Red Hill when he couldn't handle the road anymore. Despite his total lack of animal husbandry, Johnny is determined to be a successful rancher. Unanimously voted "Most Gullible."



Laura Hicks Scott fought for women's rights, wrote a successful (if largely untrue) biography of her husband Johnny, and once dated Jackie Price in college. Give her a break, she's had it tough.



Mike Sheridan, voted Friendliest by his college peers, is still well-loved by nearly everyone. Nobody in Red Hill except Mike and his wife knows Mike writes under the pen name Michelle Strong and churns out blockbuster gushy romance novels. He wants to keep it that way.



The enigmatic, oversexed son of Mike Sheridan, Marty lives by his own rules. He lives to compose and conduct classical music but likes to return to Red Hill to relax - and check out the girls.




Steve West is the drummer in Johnny Scott's band. Former gifted science student, Steve discovered pharmaceuticals in college and turned to activism and social defiance. It's what drummers do, or at least that's what Steve believes.



Crystal Burton is C.L.'s spoiled, selfish, brazen little sister and the undisputed Queen of the Teen Flick Ghetto. Crystal is used to getting what she wants when she wants it - the epitomy of When Good Things Happen to Bad People.



Phil Ross was in the big middle of everything at Sheldon College and is now a successful businessman. So why would he give that up to become a director at Burton/Price Films? For the hell of it.



Tony Volpone's college yearbook nickname was "Don Fox" but more fitting is the one Jackie gave him - "that cruel little craptastic Capone-wannabe bastard." Tell us how you really feel about him, Price.



Peggy Floyd Volpone used to have the best-known secret crush on Mike Sheridan in college, and it was reciprocated. Why she ever married Tony Volpone is known only to her - although it's a safe bet that the phrase "nobody has to die" during Tony's proposal sealed the deal.



Stuart Phillipi de Saulin, Crown Prince of Thuringa, was a total mystery even to his friends all throughout college. Six feet ten inches tall with lemon yellow eyes, there is something unworldly about him. Maybe it's because... he's not of this world.